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Effectively managing conflict and resolving disputes that can be brought to resolution are important skills for supervisors. In this chapter, you will learn how conflict is defined and a description of its characteristics. You will also be introduced to ten conflict resolution skills.
Managing conflict whenever it arises will greatly improve the workplace environment for all employees. Not all conflicts can be resolved; when they can't they need to be managed. Effectively resolving disputes that can be brought to closure enhances relationships, improves productivity and increases competence throughout the organization.
Conflict is an event with the presence of a difference in perspective or opinion, a disagreement over circumstances or expectations or dissatisfaction with possible outcomes. It also includes options, possibilities and choices available to all parties involved in the event.
Conflict is neutral. It is not good or bad, right or wrong, hurtful or helpful, or positive or negative; it just is! The choices made or the actions taken in response to conflict may be any or all of these, but they are a consequence of action, not something inherent in the conflict itself.
Conflict is inevitable. It is unavoidable and we must all face it in some form on a daily basis. Whenever you must make a decision or choose between two or more actions conflict is present, and consequences follow the action you take each time.
Conflict is catalytic. It forces us to make choices. Whenever we face conflict we must choose a path or take action, make a statement or remain silent. Decision-making is the consequence following the conflict event.
Conflict is natural. It occurs in our interpersonal relationships, inside our minds, and in our daily activities. It is a normal part of living. M. Scott Peck's best-selling book, The Road Less Traveled opens with the famous line, "Life is difficult." He goes on to say that each of us faces choices in life. We may choose the path of mental health or mental illness. It is really all about self-discipline. The problem many people face is that they want to believe that:
Choosing these beliefs takes us down the path toward mental illness. These beliefs are not grounded in reality. They take us away from embracing life's difficulties and the painful emotions associated with them.
When we choose to embrace our world and come to believe that:
we begin to travel the pathway to mental health. When we choose to embrace life's difficulties and the painful feelings associated with these events we are facing reality. Then, when we are blessed, or things go right, or good defeats evil, we can celebrate and enjoy the moment.
Learning to expect the unexpected, coming to believe that life is really what happens when you have made plans for something else, and accepting not knowing as the norms in daily life, prepare you for dealing with conflict in a healthier manner.
Think of conflict as spreading across a continuum, over a scale of 1 to 100. A conflict of "1" might be facing a choice of brushing your teeth before or after you bathe. The consequences would be hard to articulate between the two actions, and the presence of choice and conflict may both be unconscious because many of us have habitual rituals around brushing our teeth and bathing that we carry out without even consciously thinking about them.
On the other end of the continuum, a conflict of "100" might be something like the following scenario:
You are driving downtown in a major metropolitan area in the mid afternoon, on a weekday, and the accelerator becomes stuck. You reach a speed of over 50mph, and coming up quickly ahead of you is an outdoor performance in a park with hundreds of people seated close together in front of a stage. Coming up on your right is a large showroom with plate glass windows and a large crowd is gathered for a new product unveiling, and on your left is a children's museum with a large group of children exploring outdoor exhibits. Your brakes aren't working and you must choose which direction you will go, certain that you will crash into one of the crowds before stopping.
Each choice is immensely difficult. The time to decide is nearly instantaneous. No matter which direction you choose, many people will be seriously injured or killed. The consequences will be permanent. The damages are irreversible. Pain, suffering, questioning, wondering, feelings of hurt, fear and shame will overwhelm you in waves for a long time to come. Hindsight is nearly always 20/20. There is not an easy or right answer. Afterwards, any choice you make will be extremely difficult to accept or defend.
Fortunately, most of us won't have to face such extreme personal conflict in our lifetimes. We do face, choose and resolve thousands of low-level conflicts daily though without even giving them much more than a passing thought. Consider these low-level conflicts faced by many people daily:
Most conflicts you face are somewhere near the middle of this continuum. The choices are usually clear and the consequences are readily identifiable.
Serious conflict may arise in the workplace in the form of discrimination, harassment or disrespectful interactions. You will learn more about employment laws, company policies, investigation practices and intervention tools later in this book. In this chapter, you will learn a model for understanding conflict and its relationship to emotional reactions, personal choices, and outcomes.
Conflict functions as a catalyst that triggers emotional reactions. As you learned earlier, hurt, fear and shame are primary emotional response reactions that you will experience in response to conflict interactions like discrimination, harassment or disrespectful interactions that may occur with coworkers, clients, or supervisors.
Whenever you experience an emotional reaction to conflict, you are faced with a choice. It is a personal decision you make to either consciously respond or unconsciously react to the triggering catalytic event. Because these events occur within the context of a relationship with one or more people, the other party's individual conscious responses or unconscious reactions will also influence outcomes. It becomes a circular process with each verbal exchange, and at each junction, each party has the opportunity to choose to make a conscious response or an unconscious reaction.
If you do not make a conscious choice, you will react unconsciously. Typically, unconscious reactions are impulsive behaviors that are instinctual, very similar to the fight or flight response. These reactions are limbic responses that are primal and primitive. Usually these reactions are aggressive or avoidant. Sometimes the aggressive reaction can be overt, hostile and critical or it can be passive aggressive, covert and indirect. The avoidant reaction may be in the form of physical withdrawal such as resigning, transferring or walking away from a situation. Sometimes it may be a psychological withdrawal such as silence, shutting down emotionally or detaching from the person or circumstances.
These unconscious reactions may result in possible outcomes such as feelings of mistrust, violation and betrayal. Behavioral actions may include sabotage, retaliation or violence.
If a conscious response is made, it will be a thoughtful, purposeful course of action. These are learned patterns of behavior that require conscious intent. These responses necessitate risk-taking, vulnerability, trust and a willingness to carry them out in response to the painful emotions experienced from the conflicting event. The possible outcomes may include trust, intimacy, teamwork and improved productivity.
When one party chooses to consciously respond and the other party unconsciously reacts, it becomes even more difficult for the first party to consciously choose the next response, because the potential for experiencing additional painful emotional reactions such as being hurt, experiencing fear or feeling shame increases in the next cycle.
The cycle continues with each interaction. If conscious responses are made, the movement is directed toward resolution; if unconscious reactions are made, movement is directed toward an escalated dispute. When one party moves toward resolution with conscious responses, it can influence the other party to make conscious responses too.
The Conflict Response Reaction Model appears on the next page. It illustrates the cyclical nature and relationships between conflict events, emotional reactions, personal decisions and outcomes.
When conflict arises in the workplace supervisors can assist in resolving many of these events by facilitating an open discussion between the involved parties. By role modeling these conflict resolution skills, others can learn by your example and apply these skills when conflicts occur in their interactions or relationships.
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One: Encourage Each Party To Tell Their Story In Its Entirety
Whenever you are caught up in a conflict event involving another person's comments or behaviors, you have an emotional reaction. Before you willingly move toward resolution, you will probably need to tell your story. If you don't tell it to the person triggering the event, you will most likely tell it to someone else. Recall the brief dialogue between Henry and Carl in the stereotypes discussion earlier?
"Hey Carl, got a minute?"
"Sure Henry, what's up?"
"Ted, do you know Juanita, the new intern?
"Yeah, we're in the same supervision group this month. Why do you ask?"
"Well see, when I first met her I thought she was going to be a really difficult person to work with and I wasn't too far off; in fact, she's beyond difficult!"
Henry felt compelled to "tell his story" to someone. He chose to avoid resolving the conflict directly with Juanita, and tell his story to Carl instead. This choice probably made Henry feel better, momentarily, because sharing his perspective provided some initial emotional release. Telling a third party without involving the person with whom you are experiencing the conflict does not contribute to resolving the conflict event and it will eventually present itself again and again until resolution is reached.
When you bring two people together to facilitate a discussion focused on resolving a conflict event, both parties must receive sufficient time to tell their stories without interruption. How often have you listened to two people argue and noticed that they keep interrupting one another, fighting for a chance to be heard? Until you have felt heard, you have little desire to hear.
Explain to both parties that they will each have time to tell their stories, from beginning to ending and without interruption. They are better able to hear one another if they know they will each get a turn at talking and being heard.
Set ground rules before the first party begins. Solicit agreement from both parties to honor these rules. Consider using a white board or chart paper and an easel to record them. Some might include:
Two: Listen To Each Party's Point Of View
As each person tells their story, use active listening skills to notice the content, meaning and context. Suspend your own thoughts, agenda and judgments. Seek to clarify your understanding by using reflective questions. Communicate warmth, empathy and acceptance with your use of eye contact, body language, posture, and voice.
After both parties have had an opportunity to tell their stories, ask if either person has any clarifying questions they wish to ask the other party to further their individual understanding of the conflict events or the other person's perspective. When both parties feel they have been heard and understood, you are ready to move ahead in the process.
Three: Isolate Each Conflict Event
The third tool involves isolating and identifying the conflicting event. Solicit input from both parties identifying what they perceive to be the specific comments, behaviors or occurrences that triggered the conflict event. Continue this discussion until you reach consensus among the parties that everything has been identified. Record the list on your white board or chart paper.
Four: Identify Common Ground Between Parties
Next, facilitate a discussion with both parties focusing on the identification of common ground. Clarify their mutual points of agreement, understanding and expectations. Write these areas of common ground on your white board or chart paper.
Five: Clarify Barriers Inhibiting Conflict Resolution
Using the list of conflict events, facilitate a discussion between the parties that clarifies the barriers inhibiting a resolution and write them down. Continue with this step until both parties agree that all barriers have been surfaced and clearly identified. You are ready to continue moving forward when both parties agree you have finished this task.
Six: Brainstorm Around Possible Solutions
Lead both parties in a brainstorming session creating a list of possible solutions. Do not evaluate ideas or attempt to prioritize them until you have completed generating the list.
After both parties agree that the list is complete, discuss each solution and prioritize them in order of potential. You might encourage both parties to weigh the strengths and weaknesses of each potential solution as they go through the prioritization process. Consider these factors in weighing each possible solution:
What is the ease and practicality of the solution's implementation?
Are all necessary resources readily available for implementation?
What is the degree of willingness of each person to implement the solution?
How would you rate the potential for success on a scale of 1 to 10?
Seven: Create Resolution Strategies
Using the prioritized list of solutions, facilitate a discussion between the parties that leads to the creation of resolution strategies. These questions may be helpful to focus the discussion between the parties.
What steps will be taken?
How will the solutions be implemented?
Who will carry out which tasks?
What are the mutual expectations?
When will the parties begin?
What are the time frames?
What resources are needed? Are they available? When will they be secured?
Eight: Negotiate Mutual Commitment To A Resolution
When the parties have identified possible solutions and created strategies for resolving the conflict, you can facilitate a discussion around negotiating a mutual commitment to resolution. When both parties agree to the strategies, you are ready for the next step.
Nine: Write Out An Agreement
Write out an agreement between the parties. State the problem clearly and identify the specific conflict events. Outline the actions to be taken by both parties. Identify which steps will be taken, when they will be completed and what both parties expect as outcomes. Have both parties sign and date the agreement.
Research consistently shows that when parties are actively involved in crafting solutions to their disputes, their adherence to the agreement is much higher.
By sharing ownership in both the conflict and its resolution, both parties are much more vested in the successful outcome targeted in the negotiated resolution agreement.
Ten: Follow-Up
Set dates for follow-up. At the follow-up session, check in with both parties and evaluate their success in implementing the negotiated agreement. If points need to be re-negotiated, do so at this time.
Define conflict in your own words, based on your understanding of what you have read.
Identify your beliefs about conflict in comparison to what you have learned.
What are the differences? What are the similarities?
How could you implement conflict management and conflict resolution skills in your clinical practice?
What are the benefits?
What are the risks?