Common wisdom used to be that stress was a man's issue: men had the ulcers and male executives had the high blood pressure and heart attacks. Things have changed. As more and more women have entered the business world, we have seen an increase in cardiac disease, lung cancer, and other illnesses which used to be associated with the male gender. It is as though the innate features of the female physiology which we have relied up on to protect us from certain illnesses are not infallible; environmental factors such as smoking and stress can affect us along with our brothers.

       Some writers, such as Anne Wilson Schaef have looked at the existing work/business "culture" critically, citing the faults within the system that lead its participants away from wellness. Schaef looks at the competitiveness of the modern business environment, and concludes that

The stress of having to be innately superior at all times is more than the human organism can tolerate. Those persons who buy into the system and work the hardest to become shining examples of what it means tend to drop dead ahead of their time from heart attacks, strokes, high blood pressure, ulcers, and other physical after-effects of unrelenting tension and stress.... It is a s if high blood pressure goes hand in hand with three-piece suits and attaché cases. [Anne Wilson Schaef. Women's Reality: An Emerging Female System in a White Male Society.  (San Francisco: Harper and Row, 1985), 6]

       I prefer to lo ok at this issue with a less critical perspective, searching for understanding rather than attaching judgments. Along with bigger paychecks have come other challenges, which I think of as "Living the Hyphenated Life," as illustrated in the graphic:

      Woman-Wife--Mother-Daughter-Lover-Student-Friend-Church member- Employer-Manager-Employee- Artist-Cook- Driver-Childcare worker and so it goes

      Each of these roles places demands on the person, and may leave her feeling overwhelmed and overextended. Debbie Kane expresses this very well, stating that

For the past two decades women have struggled for the right to have it all-career, marriage, and motherhood. Unfortunately, throughout their struggle little has been done to compensate for the competing demands of career and family roles. As a result, women are burning out, both professionally and personally, with minimum satisfaction derived from either role. [Debbie Kane, RN, MScN, "Invest in Yourself. Coping With Multiple Roles: Mother /Wife/Nurse" Nursing Forum . (Volume 28, Number 4, October-December, 1993), 17]

       Regardless of how satisfying the career outside the home you may have, juggling both worlds means a lot of work. Many women report overall satisfaction with their work and home lives, yet complain of fatigue and anxiety. Even if a woman works out of financial necessity, she may still feel guilty if it means leaving her children in daycare.

       The hectic pace of the 90's makes it all the more imperative that men and women learn how to manage stress effectively. While this chapter addresses some issues which are predominantly female-related, anyone can learn from the ideas and solutions introduced here.

How Many Hats Do You Wear?
        Once again, you need to know where you are before you can decide where you are going. How many different roles do you play in the course of each day? Each week? Take a few minutes to mark each word below that applies to you. You may find that you have more "jobs" than you realized!

        Once you can see objectively how much you are attempting to do, you can make better decisions about prioritizing your activities. One sobering statistic quoted by Debbie Kane is that, by measuring time-use studies for the average working mother, "it has been estimated that working women work approximately one extra month of twenty-four hour days a year, "[results from A. Hothschild,(1989), quoted by Debbie Kane, "Invest in Yourself," 18].

        Do any of these hats fit you?
        husband/wife/partner
        parent
        grandparent
        employee
        employer/supervisor
        driver
        cook
        domestic engineer
        church member/temple member
        seamstress/craftsperson
        son/daughter
        healthcare provider
        Other _________________________________________________________

        OK, those are the non-paid positions. Now write down the various aspects of your role as a paid worker:
        ______________________________________________________________
        ______________________________________________________________

       None of these roles is inherently bad or good-they just are. How you handle them is what is important within your stress management program.

        To give an example of how to relieve the stress caused by leading a hyphenated life, let's look at the scenario of the working mother in a double-income middle class family. She works a full day, then comes home to the usual tasks of ^maintaining the house and caring for a family. Many husbands or partners help with the household duties, which can make things much easier. Yet such egalitarianism can cause its own stresses. Some of us feel guilty if we can't do it all ourselves- anything less than "superwoman" is a failure. Some of us get frustrated because our husband/partner loads the dishwasher or does the laundry differ entry than we do. One of the wisest pieces of advice I have seen on this subject is that "if women want chores to be shared, then they must be flexible in how they are completed" [Kane, "Invest in Yourself," 20].

        If you need more structure to help get things done, write down a list or schedule of who should do what, and any appropriate timelines. I have found that people work much better if they know what their role is, and a written list of tasks to be completed can be very helpful in this.

        You may think of other solutions which will work in your life. Take some time to write them down:
         _______________________________________________________________
         _______________________________________________________________
         _______________________________________________________________
         _______________________________________________________________
         _______________________________________________________________

         From my own life, which is the standard hyphenated existence, the biggest lesson I have had to learn is that one person can't do everything, be everything to everyone, be perfect, keep a perfect house, and survive! I struggle with this every day as the pile of laundry gets bigger, the dust balls get fluffier, and I get more tired. But I have learned that if! don't set some realistic limits and priorities, I end up burned-out and in "total body shutdown." Stress, whether from your job or your kitchen, can make you sick if you let it. Take control of your life and promise your self that you are worth the effort to make some changes in order to take better care of you. You are no good to anybody else if your are falling apart; don't turn into Humpty Dumpty. Keep your feet on the ground, don't walk a tight rope on top of a tall fence, and stop blaming yourself if you can't be "super person." Be the best you possibly can without killing yourself with stress: you will be healthier, happier, and those around you will be inspired by your wisdom