| chapter 6 |
"I feel like I'm always working. I don't think I can remember how to relax. "
"I came to college to study social work because helping people makes me feel good. But my course work and my internship don't make me feel like I'm helping anyone, except the system. I wonder what I'm doing here. "
"I'm so busy doing what everyone else wants me to do I never get a chance to do what I want to do. "
"My life is so hectic I feel totally out Of control. "
"I work better under pressure, but I also get stressed out from doing everything at the last minute. "
"When I have a lot to do I get paralyzed. I waste a lot of time worrying about how it will all get done and trying to decide what to do next. "
Many students come to stress management workshops and classes (if they can find the time!) because of the stress they experience from feeling out of control, hurried, and pushed, and from running frantically just to stay in place. These students find that time management is one of the most valuable topics for helping them gain a sense of control of their lives and to feel more confident in their ability to solve problems and make decisions.
This book presents material on time management in two parts. Part 1, this chapter, may be thought of as the larger picture. It includes information on values clarification, decision making, and goal setting, which are the first steps in getting control of your time. The next chapter is Part 2 and focuses on the practical details of organization, study skills, and dealing with procrastination.
TIME MANAGEMENT VERSUS EFFICIENCY
To many people, the term time management implies learning to become more efficient at doing what they are already supposed to be doing, to accomplish more work in less time. Visions of workaholics keeping one eye constantly on the clock, making endless lists of lists, compiling minute-by-minute schedules, and busily organizing everything and everyone do not present a very attractive answer to stress. Creating efficient workaholics is not the goal of time management (Richards, 1987)! People who are overorganized, always busy, and constantly preoccupied with getting something done are usually neither stress resistant nor personally fulfilled. And they are usually not ranch fun, either.
Time management is about planning your course in life. This plan is a rough outline of where you want to go and how you plan to travel. It has been said that life is what happens while you are making other plans. How true! Life is full of surprises, but your travel plan allows you to adapt and take advantage of the opportunities and grow from the challenges.
Time management is about living a meaningful and fulfilling life and enjoying each moment as much as possible. Time management teaches you to balance multiple priorities and to use your time well. The information presented in this chapter will help you clarify your values and goals so that you can make better decisions about how to use your time. The next chapter will help you improve your ability to create realistic schedules, eliminate low priority activities, and make room for activities that help you reach your important goals. In these ways, better time management will increase your stress resistance (Britton & Tesser, 1991; King, Winett, & Lovett, 1986; Lang, 1992; Lee, Bobko, Earley, & Locke, 1991; Macan, Shahani, Dipboye, & Phillips, 1990; Schuler, 1979).
CHARTING YOUR COURSE: WHY TIME MANAGEMENT IS ABOUT CLARIFYING VALUES, MAKING DECISIONS, AND SETTING GOALS
A life may be seen as a journey, a story, a flow, and a process. Life is time, a series of moments strung together like pearls on a necklace. Time is the medium through which you create your life. And moment by moment you interact with your environment, including the people in your life, and make countless decisions about how to "spend" your time. You decide what to think about, where to go, what to do.
Clarifying your values, making decisions, and setting goals are ways in which you can exert personal control and chart your course in life. Many writers have likened life to a canoe trip down the river. You cannot change the river, but you can navigate its course with greater or lesser skill. Some decisions take you down a smooth, flowing course while others get you hung up in the shallows. Sometimes you run into rapids that require sharp attention. Your values and goals are the tools with which you navigate your course down this river of life. This image is helpful when you are considering the nature of "control" in life, because you actually have little or no control over many things. While this observation may appear discouraging, it also emphasizes the importance of maximizing the control you do have.
| A wise Man should order his
Designs, and set all his
interests in their proper Places: This Order is often confounded
by a foolish Greediness, which,
while it puts us upon pursuing
so many several Things at once,
that in Eagerness for Matters of less consideration, we grasp at
Trifles, and let go Things of greater value.
R. LA ROCHEFOUCAULD, DUC DE |
Life is time, a series of moments strung together like dewdrops on a spider's web. These individual moments create the pattern of a person's life.
VALUES CLARIFICATION
The term values clarification is a new one to many students. Values are the rules that guide your life. Values may be classified into two broad categories: moral and nonmoral values (McKay, Davis, & Fanning, 1981). Moral values define right and wrong, good and evil. They are the voice of your conscience, the ethical foundation for forming judgments and making decisions. Believing you should tell the truth, keep your promises, and help people who are in trouble are examples of moral values. Nonmoral values describe what you find desirable or undesirable rather than right or wrong (McKay et al., 1981). They reflect personal preferences. You might value hiking in the woods over a walk in town, going to a party over going to a movie, wearing sneakers over wearing dress shoes. Values clarification is the process of defining and evaluating your values and understanding the influence they have on your decisions.
Why values clarification? Don't most people know what they value? Not always. Most people are clear about some of the fundamentals, but they are often unclear about what they value in at least a few areas. In addition, moral values are sometimes in conflict with nonmoral values, and sometimes nonmoral values are in conflict with other nonmoral values: you want different things at the same time and must decide which one you value more highly. For example, you might want a career that is prestigious and pays well, but at the same time you might want to have a lot of free time to travel or write a book. You probably won't find a career that fulfills both values at the same time. (If you do, please drop us a line.) So, to resolve your career path, you must decide which value is more important to you.
Values clarification is a process of self-discovery. It is not so much about having defined your values as it is about the process of defining your values and using them to guide your decision making and behavior.
VALUES AND STRESS
Values can both alleviate and cause stress. They alleviate stress when they help you solve problems. They cause stress when they are inappropriate or conflicting. Inappropriate and conflicting values create stress because they block effective decision making and coping.
An inappropriate value is one that does not work because it is unrealistic, confused, or irrational. If you believe being very, very thin is important, you may spend your life trying to lose weight and being obsessed about your body size. In this case, valuing extreme thinness is unrealistic and irrational (not to mention unhealthy!) and creates a great deal of stress. If you value expensive cars and feel that your image and reputation depend on what kind of vehicle you drive, but you must drop out of college to buy and maintain the right car, your unrealistic values interfere with more important long-term goals.
Conflicting values often surface when we are having difficulty making a decision or are trying to choose between alternative solutions to a problem. Choosing a major is a difficult decision for many students. Do you choose (1) the field you have found most interesting? (2) the one that is easiest? (3) the one your parents recommended? (4) the one that will lead to a lucrative career? (5) the one that will give you job security? Here are some of the values represented by these options:
Choice 1: Choose an interesting major.
Values:
You believe college courses should be interesting.
You believe college should help you find out what you're interested in.
Choice 2: Choose an easy major.
Values:
You should choose a major in which you will get good grades.
You should study something that won't tie up all your time and energy so you can participate in extracurricular activities.
Choice 3: Choose a major recommended by your parents.
Values:
You value your parents' advice.
You want to please your parents.
You must please your parents because you value their financial contribution to your college education.
Choice 4: Choose a major that will help you find a lucrative career.
Values:
You want to make enough money.
You want to be rich.
You want to be able to repay your college loans.
Choice 5: Choose a major that will help you find a job that offers security.
Values:
You value security.
How do you make a decision when solution options represent conflicting values? When you examine the values underlying your alternatives, the choice often becomes a little easier. Usually you choose the solution that is congruent with the most important values.
NO VALUES AND STRESS
Children grow up adopting the values of their parents, which they then question and revise as they come into adolescence and adulthood. Indeed, this process occurs throughout life. When some values are rejected as meaningless, others must take their place. But sometimes people reject their old values and are unable to come up with a new set. Social critics have argued that much of today's stress is the result of the devaluing of values. G.W. Morgan (1969) writes that during the 1960s, American popular culture promoted "do your own thing," a path suggesting that values are subjective and merely represent the likes and dislikes of an individual rather than deeper moral beliefs. Without values, argues Morgan, "there is emptiness, boredom, and desperation." Individuals and society suffer when old values are thrown off without appropriate replacements.
Some critics have accused stress management programs of treating stress as somehow separate from the rest of life, solvable with a few deep breathing exercises (Beck, 1986). But as you have seen from our model of the stress cycle and our work so far, the way we cope with stress and solve problems is a reflection of our basic personalities. Each of us is unique, and we each develop our own coping styles. While stress management programs are often offered in a seemingly value-free context to accommodate audience diversity, for each of us, personal values determine how we cope with stress.
VALUES CLARIFICATION INCREASES YOUR STRESS RESISTANCE
Clarification and Control
Control. That word has been coming up a lot. You've seen that a perceived lack of control causes stress while a sense of control increases your resistance to the negative effects of stress. Control is an important component of hardiness. The problem-solving approach to coping with stress presented in the last chapter is designed to increase your sense of control over stressors. Values clarification and goal setting do the same. In fact , they are important components of problem solving. You seek to solve problems in ways that further your goals and are consistent with your personal beliefs and values. A better understanding of your values helps you make decisions more effectively and easily, and this helps you feel more in control and less stressed.
Getting in touch with your inner self, your feelings and values, is not easy. Although getting in touch relieves stress in the long run, the short-term effect can be an increase in feelings of anxiety as you face unresolved conflicts. Many people want a clear, immediate solution and are uncomfortable waiting for answers to come, answers that are rarely cut and dried. Sometimes the right way to deal with a problem is not the easy way.
Recall Kobasa's definition of hardiness: control, challenge, and commitment (Kobasa, 1979). Reaffirming and clarifying your values contributes significantly to the commitment component of hardiness. Commitment to your goals and values helps you through demanding times and sustains you as you face difficult issues.
GOAL SETTING AND VALUES CLARIFICATION: WHERE DO YOU WANT TO GO AND HOW DO YOU LIKE TO TRAVEL?
The first question you will need to address in evaluating your time management is this: what are your lifetime goals? To answer it, you will pretend you are very old, near the end of your life, looking back on how you have spent your time. What was meaningful? What would you like to have accomplished? How would you like to have lived? What will you remember most? What will people remember you for?
Many people find this a stimulating question. Embedded in it are other big questions, such as who are you? What is your purpose in life? What is the meaning of life? What is meaningful to you? What gives you satisfaction and pleasure? What do you really like to do? The answers to these questions change throughout your life, as do your goals and lifestyle. Some people spend more time than others answering these basic questions, which themselves can be sources of stress from time to time. Finding the meaning in life when tragedy occurs can be especially difficult. Sometimes the search for answers to life's big questions takes time, and the uncertainty can feel uncomfortable and stressful. Yet the search is an important one, and neglecting the big questions ultimately creates more stress than does trying to find answers.
SPIRITUALITY: A SEARCH FOR MEANING
Many times, the search for answers leads into the realm of our spiritual beliefs. Spirituality can be defined as "the process of learning about oneself and one's personal value system and applying this knowledge to the pursuit of one's meaningful purpose in life" (Seaward, 1991, p. 166). Spiritual health has been described as "the ability to live in the wholeness of life" (Bellingham, Cohen, Jones, and Spaniol, 1989). Spirituality may or may not operate in the context of organized religion, although for many people a meaningful relationship with a "divine other" is an important component of their spiritual selves and an important stress buffer (Pollner, 1989).
Spirituality is probably the most neglected wellness dimension, perhaps because it is difficult to talk about or study, or perhaps because it tends to be overlooked by our culture. Religious intolerance is an extremely destructive force and has turned many people away from religion. Spiritual development is often left to the individual, but many individuals receive little help in answering those big life questions.
Many wellness and stress management writers believe that a strong spiritual base increases stress resistance in several ways (Castle, 1983; Chapman, 1987; Hathaway & Pargament, 1991; Kessler in Pollner, 1989; Millison & Dudley, 1992). Don Ardell (1986) writes that personal spirituality can help us do the following:
| We are what
we pretend to be
so we better be very careful
what we pretend to be.
KURT VONNEGUT, J |
|
The external voyages become
stressful if the internal spaces
are not satisfied.
DAVID CASTL |
| STUDENT STRESS |
Joan's major source of stress these days is trying to decide whether to continue a relationship with David, her boyfriend of two years. They are both graduating this year, and many of their graduating friends are engaged and making wedding plans. David wants to get married and brings up the subject of marriage at least once a week, asking Joan whether and when they should get married. When he brings up the subject, Joan brushes it aside and says she is not ready to talk about marriage at this point. Joan is not sure she and David are meant for a long-term partnership. To cope with this stressor, Joan needs to clarify what she is looking for in a longterm partner and whether she even wants a partner at this time. She needs to evaluate the strengths and weaknesses of her relationship with David and compare her marriage option to other alternatives. Joan decided to use the problem-solving and values clarification material from her stress management class to help her examine her options. After using the problem-solving exercise from Chapter 5-reframing the problem, clarifying her problemsolving goal, and brainstorming solutions-she came up with several reasonable options. She then listed the values underlying each option to help her evaluate these options and find a possible solution.
Option 1: Talk to David to figure out what the real problem is. Is marriage the issue, or is it something else? Maybe his insecurity?Values: I value honesty and good communication. I value personal growth through problem solving. The reason I have been avoided this decision is that I value the security of being in at relationship and am afraid of rejection.
Option 2: Agree to lengthy engagement, this will make David happy, and we can always break off the engagementif the relationship the doesn't seem to be working. Values: I value having an immediate solution to the problem. I value making David happy. I value putting an end to this marriage discussion. I want to please my parents; I think they would be happy if David and I got married.
Option
3: Suggest
David and I live together for a while after graduation. I value my independence, keeping my long-term options open. I value honesty (this feels more honest to me than a half-hearted engagement to make David happy). I value making David happy-maybe this would be second best to marriage. I don't like this option because I value marriage over living with someone; I don't want to live with someone without a commitment.
Option 4: Break off relationship now before things get even more complicated. Values: I value my independence, and want to keep my options open now. I believe that for someone my age, self-development should come before a commited relalationship. I believe at commited relationship should feel right. I don't like this option because I value our relationship While the problem-solving and values clarification exercise helped Joan, she still had trouble making a decision. She decided she valued honesty and personal growth over pleasing others. She also remembered what her mother had once told her: if there's no clear answer, you're probably not ready to make a decision that requires a long-term commitment. Hence, she chose option I and dismissed options 2 and 3, which required too much commitment. She also dismissed option 4, since she really did care for David. She decided to quit brushing off David's marriage questions and have a discussion with him about their directions as individuals and as a couple. She also realized she should be honest with David about her ambivalent feelings regarding marriage at this point in her life. Although Joan felt like the problem had not really been "solved" by these exercises, she did think she was moving in the right direction and that eventually a solution would be found. |
Other writers have emphasized the importance of feeling connected to oneself, to others, and to a larger meaning or purpose (Bellingham et al., 1989; Adler, 1964; Leak & Williams, 1989; Crandall, 1984). Connectedness means being joined with, as opposed to feeling alienated from and alone. People who are alienated from themselves and from their thoughts and feelings have poorly formulated values and goals; they have difficulty developing a personal direction (Bellingham et al., 1989; Jaffe, 1981). Such lack of connectedness and personal direction is often experienced with feelings of chronic anxiety, apathy, or boredom (Kirkegaard, 1962). Recall Jason, our problem-solving example in Chapter 5, who was suffering from the anxiety of schedule overload, but more deeply from feeling out of touch with his personal direction. Alienation and loneliness increase your risk of stress-related illness. Spiritual health means healthful relatedness, and this connectedness increases your resistance to the negative effects of stress. Spiritual health contributes to life's richness and enhances your ability to know yourself and communicate with others.
Spirituality is based in faith, a sense of the mystery of life, and an awareness of a power or reality that you cannot immediately see but can only sense. Spirituality seems to reside in the heart rather than the head, or perhaps in that part of the head separate from the logical, linear mind-chatter center of decision making. Nurturing your spiritual self can expand your vision and help you solve problems creatively and meaningfully.
NURTURING YOUR SPIRITUALITY AND CLARIFYING YOUR VALUES
There is really no quick and easy short-cut to values clarification. Self-examination is a life-long process. Most people have some idea of what is important to them but may not realize that some value areas are unclear until conflict arises. Something doesn't feel right. You begin asking questions like these: What am I supposed to be doing with my life? What do I really want in a job? What do I want in a relationship? Learning to understand your values requires time alone with yourself to get in touch with your thoughts and feelings. Here are a few suggestions for helping you get more in touch with your spiritual self and your values:
1. Read and discuss inspirational works. Reading what others have written about the meaning of life and how to live a meaningful life helps us formulate our own moral values and spirituality. Draw from religious works, psychology, philosophy, and great literature. If possible, take a course that assigns and studies these works. Discuss the books you've enjoyed with your friends. Maybe they can recommend some to you.
2. Make timefor spiritual reflection. Short on time? Be creative. Focus on a passage from your inspirational readings between classes, before bed, or while doing the laundry or other mindless errands.
3. Look for examples of spiritual connection in daily life. An ordinary object can inspire meaningful thoughts. Perhaps an old wire fence reminds you of many people holding hands to create something larger than the sum of its parts. Perhaps you have one of those "Aha!" realizations that draws you out of your everyday routine and gives you a sense of inspiration. Look for that sense of wonder you had as a child when you delighted in learning new things.
4. Keep a journal. Write down inspirational passages, spiritual reflections, and examples of spiritual connection that you have observed during the day. Record the most meaningful thoughts and events of the day and what you learned about yourself and your direction in life.
5. Join a compatible group. Many campuses and communities have a diverse collection of groups that focus on spiritual concerns-from churches to study groups.
6. Discuss your problems and value conflicts with a counselor. When a particular problem has you temporarily stumped, a neutral point of view from a professional can help you clarify what is important and steer you in the right direction.
MAKING DECISIONS
Earlier we said that during the course of each day you make countless decisions about how to spend your time. You decide what to think about, where to go, what to do.
Sometimes you may not experience the act of deciding, since these decisions are often automatic and unconscious. But even when it seems you are just following orders, you decide which orders to follow and how to carry them out. For example, students enrolled in several courses may encounter numerous assignments all due around the same time. They may feel that they are temporarily in the hands of their professors, puppets on strings pulled by "the system." Overwhelmed by multiple demands, they may feel out of control and stressed, believing that someone else is making all the decisions.
Who is deciding what? It is true that individual professors give assignments, and most educational institutions require exams and papers. But students enroll in colleges, select academic programs, and complete assignments by choice, in pursuit of some meaningful goal. Even when you bemoan the necessity of completing a required assignment and attribute your stress to the demanding instructor, realize that you could choose not to complete the project. Instead, you elect to do so because you perceive some future benefit. Underneath exam pressure are individual decisions to complete courses and required assignments and pursue certain career paths.
So, even if you are not aware of it, you are making numerous decisions, moment by moment, about how you spend your time, and thus your life: your lifetime. We make these decisions in many ways (Lakein, 1973) as discussed below:
Habit
Life would be chaos without habits. Routines save time by making decisions easier. But habits can also get you into a rut, block your growth, and cause stress if they cease to be adaptive. Maybe you have gotten into the habit of watching television for two hours every evening without asking yourself whether this is really the very best use of your time. Similarly, study habits that worked in one environment may not work in another. Perhaps your high school teachers required memorization of details. You developed study skills that let you retain these details (at least until the exam was over). Now in college, with the large volume of required readings, you can't possibly have such detailed retention. You must develop new methods of absorbing and using the material.
Others' DemandsSuppose your current circle of friends always watches two hours of television after dinner. Even though you need to and would rather do other things, your friends always pull you along and tease you mercilessly if you say you must do schoolwork. Of course, the demands of others are important and must be evaluated, but if you're not careful, they can fill up your time and your life.
ImpulseYou decide to do something else tonight rather than watch television. You sneak off after dinner and go up to your room. But now what will you do? You decide to go to the gym to work out, but when you get there it's too crowded. You then wander over to the library but don't have the notes you need to start your research project. You putter around digging up some articles, but in the end you can't use most of the material after all. There is certainly a time and place for spontaneity, but it works best in the context of planning.
Taking the First or Easiest Alternative
Tonight your friends have decided to go to a movie instead of watching television and they invite you along. It's a mediocre film you've already seen but you go anyway and don't really enjoy yourself.
Conscious DecisionThe problem-solving exercises in the last chapter were an example of using conscious decision. What is the best use of those two hours? The first half hour is a good news show that you really enjoy, so you decide to join your friends for that. But you decide the other hour and a half could be spent doing something more productive or fun. One of your sources of stress is trying to get by on six hours of sleep a night because you stay up late studying. You decide to get an earlier start on homework and go to bed earlier as well or maybe you have always wanted to get involved in the campus theater. You decide to use those 11 hours a week volunteering to work on sets rather than watch television.
| STRESS AND YOU |
| CAREER
VALUES CLARIFICATION
Brainstorming exercises can help you clarify your values. Versions of the following exercise are used in career development offices across the country. (This particular version is from the Smith College Career Development Office.) This exercise is designed to help you clarify your values and feelings about your career path and may be helpful as you consider your lifetime goals. You are going to sort a list of values into three columns, rating each value as "always valued," "sometimes valued," or "never valued." The list includes a wide variety of satisfactions people obtain from their "careers." Careers refers to work in the broadest sense-what you do with your time-and includes both paid and unpaid work. Look at the list below and place each value in a column depending on what feels right to you. If a word is vague, feel free to make up your own definition. You may also add other values. There are no right or wrong responses, only what seems right to you. List of Values Always valued Sometimes valued Never valued
Sample Value List Acquiring Adventure Authority Autonomy Beauty Belonging Challenge Commitment Competition Contributing Control Cooperation Creativity Curiosity Duty Effectiveness Excellence Excitement Exploring Fairness Family Fast Pace Friendship Gentleness Growth Health Helping High Earnings/Profit Honesty Humor Independence Individuality Influence Intimacy Knowledge Leading Location Making Decisions Manipulating Mastery Moral Fulfillment Physical Challenge Potential Power Public Contact Quiet Recognition Risk Security Sharing Social Change Spirituality Stability Status Strength Structure Success Supervising Others Time Freedom Tranquility Trust Understanding Uniqueness Variety Wealth Well-Being Winning Work Surroundings Working Alone Working with Others Working on Frontiers Working under Pressure of Knowledge
Once you have placed each value in a column, look at the values in the "always valued" and "never valued" columns. Did you learn anything about yourself? Do you notice any patterns? How many of the "always valued" items are in your current situation, if you have one? A job or activity can be frustrating if it meets few of your values or needs. Use this list to evaluate possibilities and guide you in career decisions. It can help you choose your best options, the opportunities that are the "best fit" for your values and lifestyle. A similar listing of values can be done for other big issues, such as defining what you want in a relationship or community. |
All these decision-making methods are valid and helpful at certain times as long as you are happy with the outcome: the way you are spending your time. Making conscious decisions does not mean you will turn into some sort of robot, or the super-logical Mr. Spock of Star Trek fame. In fact, improvement in your conscious decision making gives you room for more spontaneity and allows you to respond appropriately to the demands and invitation of others, take advantage of surprise opportunities, and develop constructive habits. Paradoxically, exerting what control you do have over your time and your life allows you more time and freedom to play, relax, and give up control.
TIME MANAGEMENT: SETTING YOUR GOALS
By now you realize that time management is about life expectancy: what you expect from life. Time management begins with goal setting. Once you know where you want to go, you then decide what activities will help you reach those goals.
Goals can be written in many contexts. Most experts recommend lifetime, medium-range, and short-range planning. The goal-setting exercise in this chapter asks you to define lifetime and medium-range goals, since your short-range goals are usually pretty clear: assignments that must be completed and so forth. If you don't already have a list of these, you can include short-range goals, too.
Goals are constantly changing, so don't worry that writing down a goal "commits" you to accomplishing it. Your goals are simply a vignette of how you feel at the moment you're writing them. Keep your goals close at hand; review and revise them from time to time, perhaps monthly. Updating your goals periodically helps keep you on track with your time management and decision making.
Couples often enjoy doing the goal-setting exercises together, since their cooperative lifestyle must be constructed to help both members reach their personal goals.
Because you can't "do" a goal, after you have defined your goals, you will need to think of activities that will help you reach them. This is not always an easy task.
| STRESS AND YOU |
|
TIME MANAGEMENT: SETTING YOUR GOALS This exercise will help you define your lifetime goals. As you do this exercise, remember you are not committing yourself to any particular goal. We are constantly rewriting and revising our lifetime goals. The list you are compiling is simply your best guess from where you are now. Your list is a snapshot of how you are feeling at this moment. 1. Take out a clean sheet of paper and write "My Lifetime Goals." Then imagine you are very old, looking back on your life. What did you want to accomplish? What do you feel best about? Any regrets? Consider all aspects of your life: social, career, personal, family, recreational, spiritual. Return to the mind-set you used when brainstorming solutions in the problem-solving chapter: be creative, suspend judgment, write down anything that pops into your mind, and write as much as you can. You will have time later to go back with your logical mind and evaluate items on your list. Making your list should take you about two or three minutes. When you think your list is complete, go over it for another minute or two and add any more ideas that come to mind. 2. Now take out another sheet of paper for another set of goals. Title this one "Three-Year Goals." On this list, put what you would like to accomplish and describe how you would like to spend the next three years. Three years is a somewhat arbitrary number. If a different time span makes more sense to you, use it. For example, if you graduate from college in two years, make a two-year plan. If you plan to remain in your current job for the next five years, make a five-year plan. Take a few minutes to brainstorm your three-year goals and then review the list to stimulate more ideas. 3. Now take out another sheet of paper for your last list: What I Would Do if I Knew I Had only Six Months to Live. Assume good health and unlimited resources and no need to take care of burdensome details such as wills. The point is to list everything you might like to squeeze into those last six months. List your goals for this period, review it, and add some more ideas. Do not worry if some goals appear to conflict with others. Many people find that their third list is quite different from their three-year goal list. Sometimes this means you are preparing for lifetime goals in a way that requires some delayed gratification, such as by going to college. Your college education may involve some current hardship but will get you into an interesting career. Ideally, some of the goals on your third list can still be incorporated into your three-year plan. 4. Go back over all three lists, and rate each item as A, very important; B, somewhat important; or C, least important. At this point you are still in a creative, brainstorming mode. Don't worry about being realistic. 5. Now evaluate the A items on your three lists and select the two from each list that are the most important to you. List these six goals on a sheet of paper. You will work with them some more in the next exercise. Source: Adapted from Lakein, 1973; Davis, Eshelman, & McKay, 1995. |
Many goals, especially lifetime goals, can be very general. How do you reach a goal like "Have a happy family" or "Develop a meaningful career"? Think small, and think of something doable. Here are some steps for the goal "Develop a meaningful career":
The specific steps you list for each goal should include things you can begin working on today: scheduling that appointment with the career counselor, doing some research in the career development library, or planning an interesting internship. Time management means doing something every day toward your toppriority goals. Focus on results rather than "spending time." Instead of saying you'll spend 30 minutes in the library, define what you would like to accomplish there.
|
At the end of your life, you will never regret not having passed one more test, not winning one more verdict, or not closing one more deal. You will regret time not spent with a husband, a friend, a child, or a parent. BARBARA BUSH |
| EXERCISE |
| ACHIEVING
GOALS WITH AN ACTION PLAN
Goals give you a direction, but they don't tell you how to get there. In this exercise, you will take the six goals you just listed and write down activities that will help you achieve them. Begin with the first goal you listed. Rewrite the goal, and then define specific tasks that will help you reach that goal. The specific steps you list for each goal should be something you can begin working on today. Goal 1: _________________________________________________ Action steps: 1. ______________________________________________________ 2. ______________________________________________________ 3. ______________________________________________________ 4. ______________________________________________________ 5. ______________________________________________________ 6. ______________________________________________________
Goal 2: _________________________________________________ Action steps: 1 . ______________________________________________________ 2. ______________________________________________________ 3. ______________________________________________________ 4. ______________________________________________________ 5. ______________________________________________________ 6. ______________________________________________________
Goal 3: _________________________________________________ Action steps: 1 . ______________________________________________________ 2. ______________________________________________________ 3. ______________________________________________________ 4. ______________________________________________________ 5. ______________________________________________________ 6. ______________________________________________________
Goal 4: _________________________________________________ Action steps: 1 . ______________________________________________________ 2. ______________________________________________________ 3. ______________________________________________________ 4. ______________________________________________________ 5. ______________________________________________________ 6. ______________________________________________________
Goal 5: _________________________________________________ Action steps: 1 . ______________________________________________________ 2. ______________________________________________________ 3. ______________________________________________________ 4. ______________________________________________________ 5. ______________________________________________________ 6. ______________________________________________________ Goal 6: _________________________________________________ Action steps: 1 . ______________________________________________________ 2. ______________________________________________________ 3. ______________________________________________________ 4. ______________________________________________________ 5. ______________________________________________________ 6. ______________________________________________________ Try to schedule an action step that you will do for each important goal over the next few days. |
WHO Knows WHERE THE TIME GOES?
Some time management experts recommend keeping a log of how you spend your time. An evaluation of how you currently spend your time may highlight ways you could improve your use of time and help you move toward your high-priority goals. Instructions for keeping a time log can be found later in this chapter.
If you find the idea of keeping track of your activities for three days too timeconsuming or too overwhelming, do not despair. You may still benefit from a simplified trouble-shooting version. Many people already have some idea of where their time is most wasted: watching television, chatting with friends, running errands, sharpening pencils, rearranging the room. Instead of logging every minute, keep track of time spent on specific low-priority items. Some chatting with friends is fun and important, but is some of it just "passing time" or procrastinating? How much?
|
Time is the most valuable thing a man can spend.
THEOPHRASTUS |
WILL TIME MANAGEMENT SOLVE ALL YOUR PROBLEMS?
Some people will find that time management becomes more of a problem than part of the solution. Some people simply have too much to do and are working at a level that is not compatible with their personal style. Certain jobs, for example, may demand more time than you can give. Parenting takes a lot of energy and provides tremendous stress along with the rewards of family life. But not everyone has the energy or desire to be a parent. Time management should also not take the place of social justice. Time management tends to throw the burden of a problem, lack of time, onto individuals. But are the time pressures of a single parent working a low-income job and living in a poverty-stricken neighborhood really going to be solved by better time management? Not usually. Better living conditions, access to educational opportunity and job training, and better school systems and social support would all contribute a great deal more to the stress relief of many.
Life goals and time use vary tremendously from person to person. You will find time management useful only if it means that you are moving more effectively toward your life goals. Remember, less can be more. Doing fewer things with better involvement and concentration may be a more rewarding experience than trying to "do it all." Good time management means finding more time to do the things you enjoy: engaging in pleasurable recreational activities and spending time with family and friends without feeling nagged by deeds left undone.
| STUDENT STRESS |
| ANDREW'S TIME LOG
Andrew enjoyed college but felt he never had enough time for his school
work, or anything else, for that matter. Andrew knew he spent a lot of time
talking to his friends. He was very popular, and it seemed that whenever one
of his friends was bored, Andrew was the one who was visited and dragged
away from his work. Andrew always went willingly and enjoyed his friends, but
he was falling behind in his work and felt tired because he wasn't getting
enough sleep. He decided to keep track of the time he spentjust hanging out
with his friends. He discovered that it amounted to several hours each day.
Andrew knew he would have to make a change or his grades would be very
poor this semester. His friendships were a high priority, but so was school.
He |
| STRESS AND YOU |
To get a better idea of how you spend your time, keep track of what you do for three days. Divide the day into three parts: (1) from waking through lunch, (2) from after lunch through dinner, and (3) from after dinner until going to sleep. Record each activity and how long it took in a small notebook. After you've done this for three days, summarize the time you spend on various activities. Categorize activities in any way that is meaningful to you. For example, you might categorize schoolwork as follows: Attending classesReviewing lecture notes for exams Other studying for exams Reading assignments Research for papers Writing reports/papers Nonschool categories might include these: Telephone calls Conversations Sports activities Eating meals Preparing meals Personal hygiene Night sleep Naps Television Hobbies (list these) Extracurricular activities (list these) Reading (for fun) Errands, chores (like shopping, laundry)
Invent whatever categories apply to you and summarize the amount of time you spend at each activity. You may wish to differentiate between productive and nonproductive study time. Was the material sinking in or were you daydreaming? Did you gather material you can use for that paper, or did you get sidetracked on peripheral topics? Did you find any surprises? Compare the way you currently spend your time to your lifetime goals. How could your use of time be improved? The only way to achieve those long-term goals is to eliminate low-priority items. Do you see any time in your current time budget that could be delegated to longterm goal activities? |
SUMMARY
Time management is not so much about efficiency as it is about setting both short-and long-term goals and learning to structure your use of time so that you make progress toward your goals.
Values clarification is the process of defining and evaluating your values and understanding the influence they have on your decisions.
Moral values define right and wrong, good and evil; they are the voice of your conscience and the ethical foundation on which you make judgments and decisions.
Nonmoral values describe what you find desirable or undesirable, and they reflect your personal preferences.
Stress results when values are inappropriate or in conflict with one another.
Children grow up adopting the values of their parents, which they then revise as they come into adolescence and adulthood. When old values are rejected, new ones must take their place.
Values clarification increases stress resistance because it increases your feelings of control and commitment and helps you make decisions.
Spirituality is based in a sense of the mystery of life and an awareness of a power or reality that you cannot immediately see but can only sense. Spirituality is also the process of learning about yourself, what you value, and where you find meaning and connectedness in life.
Spiritual wellness increases stress resistance because it helps you clarify your values and make decisions, feel connected to others, and find meaning in life's difficulties.
You make decisions on how to spend your time in many ways, including (a) habit, (b) others' demands, (c) impulse, (d) taking the first or easiest alternative, and (e) conscious decision. Improving your conscious decision making can increase your satisfaction with your use of time.
The first step to take in improving your time management is to clarify and prioritize your goals, and then to define specific steps that will help you reach your high-priority goals.
Keeping a time log can help you learn more about how you spend your time and how you can change your use of time.
Time management is a popular and effective method of stress management. However, it throws the burden of the problem-lack of time-back onto individuals, when sometimes institutional or societal change may be called for.
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