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Conflict Dimensions

Conflict resolution is broad in scope and effectiveness. Success at resolving conflict takes practice, lots of practice. As soon as we resolve one conflict, there may be another one waiting! The challenge also involves becoming a lifelong learner, finding techniques and tools that work and refining them. This section will focus on numerous familiar issues, as well as a new look at some different perspectives.

Myths and Truths

Some people think they can learn enough about conflict to eliminate it from their lives. If you are one of those people you are going to be disappointed. Eliminated conflict is not one of your choices. In fact, the goal of eliminated conflict is based on a series of myths.

Myths

u Peace is a natural state of affairs. Uninterrupted peace is not a natural state of affairs for any individual or organization. Especially in the time of constant change, reorganization, downsizing, mergers and layoffs. Periods of stability are occasionally interrupted by periods of conflict in everybody's life.

u Conflict should be avoided at all costs. No matter how hard we try, we cannot avoid conflict. Instead of avoiding conflict, we should expect it and look for opportunities to manage it to our advantage.

u If people are talking, they will eventually work out their conflicts. No amount of talking will resolve a conflict if the people who are talking don't use effective communication and conflict resolution skills.

Truths

u Conflict is natural, predictable, and inevitable. Conflicts are an occupational necessity. Think about the perfectly natural conflicts that occur every day among colleagues, supervisors, and administrators, each of whom may have different but legitimate concerns and perceptions.

u Conflict increases during times of rapid change. Periods of rapid change create higher levels of stress for individuals and for organizations. The potential for conflict increases during these periods of change. Think about the change that has occurred in your workplace during the last year. How intense was the conflict that came along with the change?

u Conflict can lead to creative or dysfunctional outcomes. Some organizations and individuals learn to use the energy inherent in conflict to produce new, creative resolutions to difficult problems. Other organizations and individuals react to conflict by repeating the same dysfunctional behaviors and strategies that do not produce positive results.

u Not all conflict can be resolved. No matter how skillful you are or how hard you try, some conflicts cannot be resolved. Some conflicts just have to play themselves out.

Many people's attitudes about conflict are based on myths. Replacing those myths with facts is the first step in becoming a person who can more effectively resolve conflicts.

Behavior Blocks

Herbert Kindler describes four behavior blocks that can potentially interfere with the constructive resolution of differences or a conflict situation. They are described as:

u rigid behavior

u irresolute behavior

u intrusive behavior

u aloof behavior

The following exercise may help you see if you are using any of these blocks. Put a check mark to any, or all that apply to you. There are no right or wrong answers. Everyone has limitations and will feel differently about situations. The goal is to use your scores to become aware of central tendencies so that you can modify well-worn patterns to fit the needs of each situation.

Block 1. Rigid behavior

o Committed to views, can't give in.

o Once I've stated my views, I don't like to say I've changed my mind.

o I don't take the time to listen to others' opinions.

o It's difficult to admit when I'm wrong.

Block 2. Irresolute behavior

o At meetings, I don't comment if others are monopolizing the conversation.

o I'm willing to forgo my position to keep a harmonious relationship.

o Others often ignore my views without giving them the respect and consideration they deserve.

o I'd rather be a team player than to be the only one opposing a consensus.

Block 3. Intrusive behavior

o I tend to take charge even if it's not my responsibility.

o I protect my interests by maintaining a personal involvement.

o The best way to get things done is to do them myself.

o I like to be personally involved, even if it's not necessary.

Block 4. Aloof behavior

o I avoid confrontations that are likely to be emotionally charged.

o I avoid getting personally involved if I can delegate the task.

o I prefer using logic over personal persuasion.

o Even when others share their feelings, I remain calm and keep my feelings to myself.

Score

Where you have check-marked two or more items for any "block," you may have picked up a dysfunctional personal style along the way that does not necessarily serve your best interest. Blocks are usually rooted in childhood experiences and social conditioning.

For example, you may have been taught by your parents to sidestep differences or conflict situations by saying what is tactful over what is truthful. Try to re-examine these blocks from time to time and see if you can adopt a more flexible, resolution-oriented behavior to resolving conflict. The strategies explored during this course will assist you in that effort.

[Robert Kindler. Managing Disagreement Constructively (Menlo Park, California: Crisp Publications, 1992) 44].

Guiding Principles

The following guiding principles will assist you in honoring the legitimate interests of all involved persons in the conflict resolution process.

ü Preserve dignity and self-respect. Preserve and protect the dignity of all stakeholders (the people who have an important stake in issues under consideration), including your own. In a heated discussion, it's easy to say something demeaning. Keep your focus on issues, not personalities. Until proven otherwise, assume that the other person is expressing a legitimate concern when disagreeing. Even if someone who disagrees with you appears stubborn or stupid, you won't get closer to resolving the dispute by putting them down.

ü Listen with empathy. When you listen to another's views, put yourself in their shoes. See from that person's perspective; feel the emotional state. When ideas conflict with what you already believe, notice if you discount the other person's message. If body language or feeling tone communicates an uncaring or hostile attitude, do you respond defensively? To fully get the information back to managing differences, you need to listen with a neutrality that suspends critical judgment. When you listen to fully understand, you convey the message, "I respect you as a person. Your thoughts and feelings are important to me, whether or not I agree with them."

ü Don't expect to change others' behavioral style. Because stakes are usually high, the reflex reaction to disagreement is the desire to change the other person's basic behavioral style. Changing your behavior is tough enough; it requires sensitive awareness, compelling motivation and resolute persistence. Changing behavioral traits of others is almost impossible during handling a conflict. Rather, focus on what you say and do when you're with a "difficult" person. Behaviors automatically transform when either person changes his/her customary pattern of relating to the other.

ü Express your independent perspective. When you're the lone dissenter in a conflict, it's tempting to surrender your conviction to conform to more popular views. At other times, it's easy to get so embroiled in a heated dispute that you lose yourself, and the war, to win a battle. Your gift to others is your independent point of view, which requires that you understand and reflect about what really matters to you. Once your perspective and concerns have been shared, be willing to embrace an alternative view that allows needed action to be taken.

These messages comprise an attitudinal framework helpful in resolving conflict. With these principles, you communicate, "I honor your needs. I take responsibility for letting you know where I stand. Together we can manage our differences constructively."

Resolving Conflicts in the Workplace

All relationships in the workplace have conflicts at some point in time. This is natural and can help you grow personally and professionally. Take this quiz and see how much you know about managing and resolving conflict in the workplace. While all answers may sound correct, circle the best one. Each correct answer is worth 10 points.

Workplace quiz

1. Conflict is usually caused by

    a) individuals who don't listen to both sides of a problem.

    b) a breakdown in communication.

    c) a difference in interpretation.

2. Conflict can be positive because

    a) it can force people to work together.

    b) it can let staff members get stress out in the open and help them get back to greater productivity.

    c) it can help build relationships.

3. If you assertively pursue the conflict, you will

    a) at least be able to manage the differences caused by the conflict.

    b) be more likely to resolve the problem.

    c) only cause more hard feelings.

4. Conflict usually results in

    a) a winner and a loser.

    b) personal growth.

    c) unmet expectations.

5. Two kinds of conflict are

    a) organizational and interpersonal.

    b) active and passive.

    c) aggressive and non-confrontive.

6. When trying to manage and resolve conflict the best approach could be

    a) cooperation.

    b) collaboration.

    c) competition.

7. To accomplish a collaborative resolution to conflict, you must

    a) be willing to get to the root of the issue and the problem.

    b) spend lots of time discussing the issues outside the work place.

    c) be willing to change your paradigm.

8. A skill most needed in resolving conflict is

    a) critical thinking.

    b) active listening.

    c) note-taking.

9. Constructive criticism focuses on

    a) pointing out liabilities in a nice way.

    b) telling you how to be better in your job.

    c) only the issues and not the person.

10. A way to work more effectively with your boss is to

    a) talk about meeting expectations.

    b) do more than expected.

    c) keep the boss informed.

Correct answers

1. b. Conflict usually represents an initial breakdown in communication and offers an opportunity to clarify an issue or reach more creative results.

2. c. When dealing with issues that are important to you, it is possible that conflict will strengthen relationships. There are sometimes negative first impressions that may seem different after further discussion. The result may be both parties' changing perception of each other and the reasons behind the conflict.

3. a. Managing the differences is the first step to conflict resolution and the issues that need to be addressed or changed.

4. b. In dealing with conflict, you can examine the behavioral characteristics in your communication skills that can lead to effective personal growth and changes.

5. a. Most of the differences you will encounter at work are interpersonal, which make them more difficult to manage. Interpersonal conflict occurs when you perceive or value a situation differently from the way someone else does. Organizational conflict can also lead to interpersonal conflict.

6. b. The collaborative approach is a win/win situation in which both sides have maximum concern for the issues and maintenance of the relationship. It establishes a climate that enables each person to examine and understand the other person's point of view.

7. a. Explore the origins of conflict to identify its true source and deal with it. Both sides need to accept and understand the other person's point of view, even though they might not agree with each other.

8. b. Most of us think we are good listeners, but most really aren't! Try to acknowledge what is being said and periodically paraphrase for verification.

9. c. Constructive criticism focuses on positive intention and on the issue, not the person. Destructive criticism focuses on the negative. It's okay to ask for change, but not to attack the individual.

10. a. Have a discussion of meeting expectations and focus on building the relationship. Learning to anticipate how he or she works in various situations is also an asset.

Your score

80-100 You have a broad understanding of conflict and its implications. Congratulations!

60-70 Try to focus more on collaboration and relationship building.